Tears

The tears came after visiting with many family members that I only see once a year at Thanksgiving.  A few years ago I made it a very important responsibility to see them at this time every year.  When I was younger, it didn't seem as important; but as I get older; I see the great importance; and I'm so thankful to my Lord, God, that He has also seen this as an important responsibility for me.  And He has made the travels easy, and the weather cooperative.  But gradually, I'm finding myself in tears as I leave each one.  Once a year is becoming too little.  I love these people.  I love them with all my heart and they are such blessings to my life.  So much happens in a year; so much that I miss; but because they are so spread around the country; how to spend more time with them is quite a conundrum.
In tears, I took this conundrum to Him this morning.  His answer was in the Book of Psalms and it said simply "I have heard your suplication".
And at the same time, I heard in my heart that it meant He heard it and therefore was preparing a solution for me.
I will recieve a solution.  It isn't a question in my heart.  It is a settled issue.  And even though I don't know what the solution might be; there is one; and when it is ready - or I am ready - I will know it.
It's as simple as that.  My tears were seen, understood, and considered - and He had compassion.
Thank you.

the level of deep revelation

As I began praying and talking to God this morning, I realized that my usual joy was missing.  Suddenly I knew it came from 2 conversations I had earlier this week.  One involved me trying to press someone into a closer knowledge of Jesus and His words - which she wasn't ready to face, and ran away from; the second was someone else explaining a percieved error in some of my words, which made me question my own ability.  But as I came to Him this morning with this heavy heart, realizing that what I had done, had been done to me; and wondering where to go from here - He impressed upon me that He hadn't moved, He was still loving me just exactly as He had, and nothing in our relationship had changed.  So, my deflation was unneccessary.
And I knew, I will grow at the pace I am capable of growing and in the direction that He has given me giftings and revelations of my own.  It is different than anyone else in all of creation, as it is with each Child of God.  He made us unique and special in our own particular ways, just as He did with snowflakes and leaves and everything else He created.
This is another reason I love Him so much - the unique-ness of everything.  It is also why I know that Corporate America is so wrong when they try to force us all into patterns of speech and behavior all in the name of better sales.  Someday that will change too, because it is not only wrong, but it is Anti-Life; which means it is destructive instead of building.
I'm glad I'm me - and I'm so glad you are you - it's why you are so interesting.
You know the feeling when you have painted a picture, or sang a song and it was beautiful?  Imagine how God looks at you - He created . . . and it was good.

my new challenge

In my recent position of the "newly employed"; I have found it increasingly difficult this past week to spend my time with God.  Part of that was the fact that I had a house guest for 5 days.  NOT COMPLAINING!  I'm so thankful for both!  Yes, I'm deeply thankful. 

But with all things "new" also come adjustment and challenge. 

The coolest part of it all, is my lack of guilt.  Mmmmmmmmmm!  No guilt.  This is real freedom.  To finally reach a place that I KNOW He is with me all the time; and even more than that - I AM WITH HIM ALL THE TIME!  He knows me, and I know Him.  He loves me and I love Him.  He doesn't need or want to spend time on my guilt, because this is temporary.  He is far too important to me, for this lack of "long talks" to stay far away.

But as in every relationship, there are moments, even days, that "people" intrude into our routine; not unwelcomely, just factually.  And we know, and He knows, this isn't permanent; because He knows my heart.

What a comfort.  And it only makes me love Him more.

the mountain

There is a scripture that says,
". . .the mountain of the Lord’s house
      will be established as the highest of the mountains
         and raised above the hills.
            People will stream to it."

Isn't that phrase interesting?  "the mountain of the Lord's house".  As I read this scripture this morning, I realized that when I spend my time with Him, it's feels like going up a mountain and sitting up there above all the hustle and bustle; all the busy and demanding; all the 'stuff' I have to do.  It all fades away below me and I look with awe at the beauty of Him and feel the clean air filling up my lungs, and the . . . freedom.  And recently I've come to know that I can go higher and higher and higher . . . there is no limit except the choice I make to stop.  Then reading onward, " . . . will be established as the highest of the mountains . . .".  Well, that just makes complete sense to me now.  There may be a million ways to UN-stress your life and your mind; and a million gods to take your troubles to; but this one truly is the highest.  I understand now.  Since there is no limit to the height that I can go in His presence; at some point I will bypass the normal height gained by conventional means. 
Did you know there was a man in the Bible that actually got so close to God, that he didn't die; he just walked into heaven?  If I ever thought that was just a story and hard to believe; I don't anymore.  No, I don't think I'm close to walking into heaven; and yet, there are times that I glimpse that place and know that it is possible.
Does this make me strange or unstable?  Hm, well, the next phrase says " . . . people will stream to it . . ." so I don't think I'm alone.
Can I prove it to you so you can believe?  Nope.  Not at all.  This is the one thing that we can't really be a participant until we believe first.  But thankfully for us all, it starts with the smallest belief, just one; believing that Jesus is the Son of God.  Then like a river, it flows from there.
I asked Him what I should say to anyone who asks how to get here?  The answer was one phrase, "Get closer".  Isn't that the truth about anything we want to understand?  We have to 'get closer'.

my special enjoyments

Found my paints - in the big tool box thing where I organized and 'put them away' several years ago.  Next to them was the last painting of a rose - the only one I saved and didn't sell.  Did you know selling a creation is a bit like selling a child.  Just seems WRONG.  I'm thinking I need to UNbury these things.  Like the piece of wood I saw at Home Depot the other day, and wanted desperately to UNbury my wood burning tool and carve a beautiful "praise-filled" word into it beside a languishing flower.  The smell of the wood while burning, was half the enjoyment, especially when using cedar or another fragrant piece.  I just recently unearthed 'writing' as one of my buried 'joys'.  I may have lost some of the technique, or 'correct-ness'; but I'm enjoying it IMMENCELY.
Why?  I wonder WHY?  WHY DID I BURY THEM?   WHY?  WHY?
Granted I was in a world that tried daily to kill any piece of individuality possessed inside.  Retail.  I think of it as an evil world now that I spent 8 years deeply entrenched in it's death grip.  And I long so desperately for all my friends who are still there - to be set free.
I understand the Veteran who holds a bit of guilt for surviving a war when so many friends died.  But, I keep hoping that my escape will encourage them to step forward and find life for themselves.
I pray that one day I will be in the position to 'take them with me' - every one who longs for freedom and creativity in life - a chance to breathe and live free!  It isn't just a political thing; it's a 'life' thing.
FREEDOM!!!!  It is real.  It is possible.  And if you believe - it will happen.