20 years with him?

I'm serious!  How did we stumble upon 20 years together?  I can see.  I can remember.  I can shake my head in amazement and wonder.  How?  We, two, of all the matches made in the world are so opposite in taste, temperament, and background.  We only came together the same way anyone does.  Something "zinged".

But was it the stuff 20 years is made of?  Heck no! I remember turmoil and crisis' we caused each other. I remember hateful words, cruel actions, betrayals, and disrespect. I remember them all in full color, clearly and in detail. Every one was a moment of regret, or hate, or disillusionment.

People don't hold on when the earth rocks and rolls and the waves splash over the sides and the boulders rip holes in the deck causing sewage to spill onto the planks.  People don't lash themselves to each other regardless of the tempest.

People bail.  Most do.  Just a slight glance around and that's all too obvious.  And we weren't any different.  We definitely did NOT have stamina or perseverance or the "lashed to each other" kind of loyalty.  Nope.  Not at all.  We had many bags packed and boxes stashed through the years.  There were several slammed doors and lonely nights.  And barrels and barrels of tears; and utter shock that we could be living such a nightmare. 

 
But You were right there in the middle of it all.  Weren't you?  Now I see it.  Strange how I couldn't see it then.  You were standing there, tall and strong and . . . watching.  And You would touch my cheek, or caress his hand.  You would whisper calm words.  I remember slightly hearing them and tossing them aside.  You held out your hands to show us your palms and remind us of the results of hate and disrespect and closed hearts. And I remembered wondering why You wanted me to suffer like You did.  I remember screaming at you in anger that you didn't make it stop.  I remember blaming you for not giving me the desires of my heart.

Oh my those were tumultuous years.  And they seemed to last so very long.  But that's not Your fault.  I know that now.

You were in the process of giving me the desires of my heart, but the clay that we were had to be broken and crushed.  We weren't fit vessels.  There were too many flaws.  So, You did everything to keep us from completely destroying each other.  You slipped in a step here and a turn there when we least expected it.  And as our heads reeled in the storms, you used the water to wash away the debris.  And you used the rocks to chink away the hardness.  You used everything that crashed against us.  You even used each of us.

And I can see the plan now.  It was a marvelously amazing plan.  But it absolutely boggles my mind that we made it to where we are.  This plan of Yours was so completely fantastic in the scheme of who we were.  And the fact that somehow You were able to keep us in the battle and yet without destruction.

We don't have a secret for being married 20 years.  There is only one thing that did this. 
It was You - God, my God.  My amazing God.  I see those moments when all was lost and hope was gone and I can see Your hand sliding the tiniest, sliver of a stepping stone quickly under one of us as our foot came down.  I can see it in hindsight.  All those times this ship should have crashed in those waves and on those boulders.  But You used every moment, every fiber of our engagement with each other. 

And from it you created the desire of my heart.  Love.  And I am humbled by the breathtaking beauty of it.  I am overwhelmed that I live in this Love.  It fills me to the brim and splashes over the edges, and glimmers in the waves as You shine inside of us.

FAMILY - FAMILIES

Wow!  In Your Presence I see every member of my family as though they were floating individually through the smoke of Your Essence; swirling by me one by one; gliding gently as though Your hand were beneath them softly supporting.  And as I see each beautiful face; each child; each spouse; each grandchild; my heart is so full of thanksgiving.  You blessed me with them.  Each one of them; so beautiful; each one so unique.  And as they come to the foreground in front of me, I see all there is about them; their strengths and weaknesses; their hopes and their failures; and I'm amazed at the whole package of each one.  Then they drift and swing into the background as another sweeps foreward before me. 

But I notice those in the background.  And suddenly I wondered.  What if that meant that I lost one in this life?  Whether it was to separation geographically, or emotional trauma, or marriage dissolution, or death.  Normally, such a thought of horror; but strangely in this setting; Your Presence; I know that whether they are before me or in the background, they are still completely in Your Presence.  They are still being held and supported in Your hand; still floating in the essence of You - LOVE; still visible to me through You; still known by me in You.

I am so, so very thankful for this vision, my Lord.  It is so extremely comforting to my Mother's heart as I love them and care for them all from afar.  Because they are no longer sitting in my lap or playing at my feet.  It's lonely from afar.

But thank you also, Lord, that at this stage of my life, you cared to give me the best friends I have ever had.  And they stick close by and spend constant time.  It makes me chuckle because I think we are mostly forgotten, but we are here together.  We freely accept each other.  We freely give to each other.  We are comfortable in jammies and slippers.  And we don't care if we're pretty or messy.
It's a whole new world I never knew about when I was a Mommie.

And it's surprisingly beautiful.

So.  I actually have it all.  I have THEM all.  ALWAYS!  They are NEVER gone.

Cool!