Lord, you have given me so many miracles in my years and sometimes I wish I had written them all down. They come back to my remembrance now and then, but mostly when You remind me of them because they relate to a present situation. "we are overcomers by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony" as You have told me, is a KEY. When I see or experience a situation and begin praying, I often remember another situation from the past that was similar and I remember how that situation ended because of prayer. It was always victorious. So I retell that story to myself and the angels standing around me that I can't see. I know they love to hear the stories. And if there are any "uglies" standing around me in the spiritual, unseen world, it tells them where my Faith is, and how I believe, and that I have this "proof" from my past as a witness to Your power and faithfulness in answering prayer.
But there are also those moments when I know "something" has happened in the spiritual world; something changed; but I don't know what it is. I've had several of those too. They are moments when suddenly my spirit feels great peace after being in travail for minutes or hours, or even days.
Once I remember being involved in a powerful, emotional prayer for my mother-in-law. She was such a cold, calloused woman who wouldn't allow the mention of You in her home, except as a curse phrase. All the while I was praying, I could hear a drumming sound in my ears. It was a bit noisy. And as my prayer rose in urgency and intensity, so did the drumming sound. This went on for about an hour. Then suddenly it stopped. The "stopping" of the noise was almost as dramatic as the sound had been. It was almost as if a gong had sounded, signally the end of a large production. And the silence that followed would have seemed eerie except the peacefulness was like sitting next to a calm, quiet pond with no breeze.
I knew something had happened in the spiritual world and I knew that it changed things. I knew this in my heart and soul, but I had no idea what it was. So the next day, when I saw my mother-in-law, I expected to see that something had dramatically changed about her. But I saw nothing. Everything seemed exactly the same.
However, over the next few months, she did change. It was almost imperceptible in it's pace, but it culminated the evening she asked me to pray with her. I almost melted in tears and could barely get the words out of my mouth as we prayed. From that moment until her death, she and I shared the sweetest, most tenderly loving relationship. And we prayed often.
I was reminded of this incident last night as I wept and prayed for my son, who is in the middle of major, and very unpleasant life-changes. My heart was aching so overwhelmingly for him and this "thing". It was so tremendous that I clutched my chest with the actual pain of it. And of course, I reached out to You. The aching seemed to increase to a point of crescendo and I felt my "spirit" lift out into the dark night in a scream "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
And that was it. It was over. Suddenly. Just like that other time. And all that was left was quiet, peacefulness. My heart wasn't aching anymore. The tears stopped abruptly. I shook my head in wonderment and thought "wow, was that all it took?".
This morning I have asked You to "show me" the spiritual world around me; to show me what these "prayers" accomplish at the moment of the change. I want to know and understand truly and completely. Really I do. I mean, I'm willing to be in the dark about it, if that is what it takes for the change to happen, but I don't think my "knowing" would actually change anything. Would it? Would I be too shocked by a visualization to be of any use to You?
I remember a story my parents told me of a time when my sister (who was a small child at the time) was having nightmares every night. They were apparently very traumatic and horrible as she would run into our parents bedroom and wake them in tears and desperation each time. So, being Believers, Momma & Daddy spent a few moments praying together about this disturbing situation. When they finished praying each of them "saw something". Momma saw a tiny little white butterfly come into the house from under the front door and fly up the staircase to my sister's bedroom. Daddy saw 2 ugly little critters, something akin to "elves" come jumping from step to step down the staircase and crawl out under the front door. Momma & Daddy each said "wow" at about the same moment and looked at each other to say "did you see that?". But when they compared thier stories, they were different. My sister never had another nightmare from that time forward.
OK. So they saw something of a represention, or actual visual of what was happening in the spiritual world. It makes a cool story. I always loved that story. But the point is that not only did they feel peace after their prayer was finished, they saw something that told them a change had actually occured. Something ugly had left and something good had come.
I see nothing. I just "feel" the almost violent "change" in the "air". That seems to be the best way to describe it. But I would like to really know "what" that change was.
Yes, I hear you asking me if I could possibly think the change was for the worse? No, I suppose not. How could it be when You are involved. In You is only Good and only Love. So basically, You're telling me that "seeing" something is only my own natural self, desiring an amazing experience; when the truth is that my spiritual self, already had the amazing experience, I just can't describe it in physical terms. Which is more important?
Well, when You put it that way it sounds like I just want something sensational to tell others about when You want me to just be obedient and have nothing to claim credit for. Ha! Boy, Lord, you sure get right to the nitty-gritty of me!
OK. I'll do it Your way. It's worked all these years just the way you designed it to work in me. I know You work in each of us differently depending on our various abilities and needs which You already know about so intricately.
I'll continue to Trust in You completely. Thank you for this lesson and this fine morning.
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