present yourself as a living sacrifice

Romans 12:1  "I APPEAL to you therefore, brethren, and beg of you in view of [all] the mercies of God, to make a decisive dedication of your bodies [presenting all your members and faculties] as a living sacrifice, holy (devoted, consecrated) and well pleasing to God, which is your reasonable (rational, intelligent) service and spiritual worship."

Wow.  In clarification of this verse you showed me 'Marriage'.  In the year to year living of life in a marriage, the couple go 'through' rough areas that make them even closer - know each other more deeply - and become more of 'one' mind - as we see older couples who even finish each other's sentences - because they know - they have become so 'alike'. 

The same thing has happened and is still happening in my relationship with you, Lord.  In talking to you every day - in crawling into your lap when I'm devastated with pain - in dancing, twirling in great circles for the joy - in quietness and sweet, softness of your peace - my heart; my soul are overwhelmed with the Love - the intense enveloping Love.  I chuckle because I ran from it once - when it overwhelmed me - it felt as though I would explode - and I asked you to stop just a little because it was too great to bear.  Now I laugh because you showed me not to try to absorb and hold it as though I was a container for it - but rather let it flow 'through' me like a river and as it swells and bursts through me, it will spill on to others.  And that is the "fruit" that we bear for You.  Not because we "try" to do it - but because YOU do it automatically as you spill over in us.  Now I come to bask in this Love anytime I want.  I've learned how easily accessible you are to me - just like my husband.  Your response is immediate.  And, yes, I have even begun to finish Your sentences for You (sometimes).  I know Your thought before it is finished (sometimes).   And I wonder in amazement that we came to be in this kind of union.  I never imagined it could be this way.

Now I see this verse again; to present myself to You a living sacrifice - and I wonder - is there something in me that I have held back?  And immediately I know there is.  This time it was a fear; fear that You would ask something too big, too hard, too far, too much - and I struggled.  And You let me struggle with it for a bit - as long as I held it to myself.  And You waited, quietly, patiently . . . lovingly

- until I came to You. 

And immediately I knew my fears were so ridiculously unwarranted.  You know me better than I know myself.  I am safer than Safe.  And I can laugh again, now. 

There is NOTHING I can't trust You with.  Nothing.  <big sigh - smile> 

OK, I GIVE!

He left His peace

(John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you.  Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.  [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.])

I see it, Lord; this is Jesus talking to me.  He gave me His own personal peace.  HIS!  He gave it to me.  It is mine.  It belongs to me.  Just like I own my couch, or my car or my house (with no mortgage or loan).  It's free and clear.  It's in my name.  He bequeathed it to me just like an inheritance.  If I got notice that I inherited - I'd go get it right away.  And I'd start using it immediately.  I don't have to work hard to get it.  I don't have to struggle to put it into use.  It's already mine.  All I have to do is USE IT!
I shouldn't put it into some religious closet and act like I don't have any way to use it.  I don't even have to ask you, God.  It's a 'done deal'.

What would I be saying if I recieved an inheritance?  I'd call my friends and say "I have a million dollars" or "I own a mansion" or even something small like "my Mom's diamond ring is mine".  I would claim it and speak as though I owned it even before I went to get it.

You tell me to do the same thing with this "peace" that Jesus gave me.  But even more than that you are reminding me that Jesus didn't give it to me the way the world gives peace.  Their idea of "peace" is just a lack of war; or it's a word they say for "hello" - and those aren't bad things; they just aren't as big and awesome as Jesus's peace.

His peace was beyond our comprehension.  After all the stuff He went through - NOTHING was able to steal His peace - not even the cross.

That's the kind of peace that belongs to me. 

You are telling me that I "allow" my heart to be bothered and I "permit" fear and anxiety into my heart.  But I only need to stop giving those things permission.

              "OK, heart, you are not to be troubled; I will trust in the Lord; I have His peace."

I said it.  So, what's happening?  Well. . . there seems to be a "kind-of" soft, gentle glow beginning in my heart.  It feels warm and "safe".  My mind says "but what about . . ."?  But, no, I'm choosing to go this direction.  I'm going to keep saying, "heart you are not to be troubled; I trust in the Lord; I have His peace."

I like this.  <sigh>