grouchy

After riping the head off the guy at Comcast, for a problem created by his company, not himself, personally; I apologized to him for my bad behavior and went to my room overcome with remorse and being appalled at the horrific and ugly thing I saw in myself, I began to sob.  And feeling so ashamed, I asked God to forgive me. 

His response was immediate.  "You know, that kind of behavior comes from not trusting Me."

 My heart agreed, suddenly seeing that my reaction was out-of-control because I saw the situation as being out-of-my-control.  I hadn't paused in that moment to consider God, my Friend, my Father, my Source, my Savior.  I had immediately jumped into the situation without a pause.

I remembered Moses.  He lost his chance at seeing the Promised Land because he reacted to an out-of-control situation.  He didn't pause and consider God - His Lord. 

Thankfully I have Jesus, and therefore I know that I won't loose anything because of my reaction.  I repented and He is just to forgive me of all unrighteousness.  This was a perfect example of un-right-ness.  But, I was still appalled that such behaviour showed up suddenly in me.  I had been complacently confident that I was in control of my emotions and never "lost it" anymore.  Well, I had been proven wrong.  "Who can control the tongue?"  is a scripture that comes to mind.

Regardless of years spent on my knees, hours spent in His Word, an eternity spent in His Presence; I do not have the power to control even my own tongue.  In my remorse and repentence, I asked Him to take that hidden, "out-of-control" thing within me and make it like Him.  This one thing I can do.  I can ASK.  And He has the power to accomplish this.

I thanked Him again for this wonderful freedom He has given me that I don't have to spend the whole day in self-condemnation anymore because my "self-appointed" halo slipped and choked me.

Joy has returned.  Thank you, Jesus.