"Way back when we first met, did I tell you I was using drugs daily? No, I'm sure I didn't. But I was. I was running. I was such a mess. And then I met you." she sighed and looked down at the ground.
My heart went out to her, but I didn't move. I waited and let her thoughts come together to tell me what she had been waiting to say.
"You prayed with me. Do you remember that?" she looked up with eyes puddled in tears.
"Yes, I do." I remembered it, but she didn't know it was the first time in my life I had the courage to grab a hand and boldly begin praying out loud. It felt like I was standing in the background surprised, looking at myself and amazed by what was happening.
"I believe God puts people in our lives at just the right moment. Don't you?" her eyes searching mine.
"Yes, I do." I had this same sort of thing happen to me when I was at my lowest point in life.
"You taught me to pray out loud. I've been doing it ever since. I remember everything you ever told me about God. Every time I called you upset or crying, you taught me something that helped me. I will never forget. Never." her eyes were shining with tears she was straining to hold back.
Later I sat in my truck in silence and in awe. Those times she had talked about were never by my own creation. I had said words to her many times, that came from somewhere other than myself. And now I was moved beyond words at the ministry that had presented itself to this woman thru me, and without my preconcieved, predetermined plan. I hadn't even known what the problems really were.
Not only had God answered her prayers, but He had answered mine as I prayed each morning that He use me in whatever way He chose.
And He did.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
thrilling joy!?
yeah, thrilling joy! Hard to type that phrase without using all Caps.
I couldn't sleep yet and went to Bible Gateway to read the daily verse; which drew me into the whole chapter of 1 Peter 1.
Verse 8 captured my attention just now "Without having seen Him, you love Him; though you do not [even] now see Him, you believe in Him and exult and thrill with inexpressible and glorious (triumphant, heavenly) joy."
Wow! I know that. I go there with Him, often, every moment I can. I don't even have to close my eyes anymore.
Thank you, Jesus, for hearing my prayer that time the kids were in a car accident and I was home, high. I remembered Momma said to pray. I did. And you heard me. They didn't have a scratch on them.
Thank you again, when I lost my job and my apartment; an old friend called and invited me to come stay. 3 weeks and it was such a blessing.
Thank you also, for that time I was sick and I heard that voice "you're dying" and I knew it was true. You made that person who didn't love me, come bursting into my room and grab me up and drag me to the doctor; who said I would have been dead by tomorrow.
And there is so much more. You did these things even though I didn't deserve them. I wasn't honoring you, following you, trusting in you, listening to you; but still you heard me.
And now this . . . this thrilling joy . . . that is . . . right . . . there . . . anytime I want to touch it.
Thank you :-)
I couldn't sleep yet and went to Bible Gateway to read the daily verse; which drew me into the whole chapter of 1 Peter 1.
Verse 8 captured my attention just now "Without having seen Him, you love Him; though you do not [even] now see Him, you believe in Him and exult and thrill with inexpressible and glorious (triumphant, heavenly) joy."
Wow! I know that. I go there with Him, often, every moment I can. I don't even have to close my eyes anymore.
Thank you, Jesus, for hearing my prayer that time the kids were in a car accident and I was home, high. I remembered Momma said to pray. I did. And you heard me. They didn't have a scratch on them.
Thank you again, when I lost my job and my apartment; an old friend called and invited me to come stay. 3 weeks and it was such a blessing.
Thank you also, for that time I was sick and I heard that voice "you're dying" and I knew it was true. You made that person who didn't love me, come bursting into my room and grab me up and drag me to the doctor; who said I would have been dead by tomorrow.
And there is so much more. You did these things even though I didn't deserve them. I wasn't honoring you, following you, trusting in you, listening to you; but still you heard me.
And now this . . . this thrilling joy . . . that is . . . right . . . there . . . anytime I want to touch it.
Thank you :-)
. . . Words
OK - I'm back! (remember Christopher Reeves squeezing his eyes shut, saying over and over, "I'm back", "I'm back", in the movie Somewhere In Time?) Anyway, back to the 'Words' thing I was talking about and had regressed to my morning routine.
When it finally gets quiet in the house, I go to the bedroom and shut the door because then I can pray, cry, talk, etc without being interrupted. This morning I sat down, took a 'cleansing' breath and said "Good morning, Father". I should mention that not only do I talk out loud, but I listen for response. It isn't really with my ears, but with my spirit. Yeah, I know, you're scrunching up your face now. But, just go with me here; the response is like that little thing that tells you to turn right when you were going to go left. It just drops into your heart/soul. So I heard "Good morning" in reply.
Then I said, "you know, I really appreciate you".
I heard, "I appreciate you too, you know".
Really? God appreciates me? Hm, that feels pretty nice.
Then I heard, "You know you don't have to sit in here every morning to talk to me."
I didn't reply because at the same moment I had the tiny urge to go outside under the tree in the back; so I did. It was a very enjoyable few minutes sitting under that tree, looking up at the bluest sky, and noticing the smallest change in the leaves from yesterday. It was like a little gift. But, I quickly got chilly since I hadn't put on a jacket, so I said "Thanks, that was nice" and went back in the house to the bedroom.
As I sat down again, I glanced over at a book I had open on my end table and read, "It is vital that you speak only the end result and what you desire". Then I glanced over at my Bible that was also open and read, Psalms 109:18 "As he clothed himself with cursing like as with his garment, so let it come into his bowels like water, and like oil into his bones." And immediately I caught the gist of it. Words. One was telling me what I should do with words; and the other was telling me what happens to evil people and their words.
I remembered that several times in the Bible when God was dealing with someone who was evil, His way of handling them was this; whatever came out of their mouth was what would happen to them. A light bulb came on in my mind. This is why God tells us to bless our enemy. Whatever we say about someone else is what comes into our own life. It's like creating a vacuum. If our words are sweet, they draw sweet things to us. If they are sour, they draw sour. Same thing with our enemies. Think about those repercussions. If someone is really mean and evil toward us, imagine the things that are coming out of their mouth. See why God wants vengenance to be His? When we are angry about something that was done to us, He doesn't want us to draw even more evil toward ourself by opening our mouth and letting it fly - and that's usually exactly what we do; and we feel very justified in our rant. Yeah, well, we may be justified, but apparently "venting our frustrations" is the worst thing we can do.
So that leads to the next question. What do we do in those moments? Yeah, you know - forgiveness.
That's for another day.
Smile today! It's gorgeous!
When it finally gets quiet in the house, I go to the bedroom and shut the door because then I can pray, cry, talk, etc without being interrupted. This morning I sat down, took a 'cleansing' breath and said "Good morning, Father". I should mention that not only do I talk out loud, but I listen for response. It isn't really with my ears, but with my spirit. Yeah, I know, you're scrunching up your face now. But, just go with me here; the response is like that little thing that tells you to turn right when you were going to go left. It just drops into your heart/soul. So I heard "Good morning" in reply.
Then I said, "you know, I really appreciate you".
I heard, "I appreciate you too, you know".
Really? God appreciates me? Hm, that feels pretty nice.
Then I heard, "You know you don't have to sit in here every morning to talk to me."
I didn't reply because at the same moment I had the tiny urge to go outside under the tree in the back; so I did. It was a very enjoyable few minutes sitting under that tree, looking up at the bluest sky, and noticing the smallest change in the leaves from yesterday. It was like a little gift. But, I quickly got chilly since I hadn't put on a jacket, so I said "Thanks, that was nice" and went back in the house to the bedroom.
As I sat down again, I glanced over at a book I had open on my end table and read, "It is vital that you speak only the end result and what you desire". Then I glanced over at my Bible that was also open and read, Psalms 109:18 "As he clothed himself with cursing like as with his garment, so let it come into his bowels like water, and like oil into his bones." And immediately I caught the gist of it. Words. One was telling me what I should do with words; and the other was telling me what happens to evil people and their words.
I remembered that several times in the Bible when God was dealing with someone who was evil, His way of handling them was this; whatever came out of their mouth was what would happen to them. A light bulb came on in my mind. This is why God tells us to bless our enemy. Whatever we say about someone else is what comes into our own life. It's like creating a vacuum. If our words are sweet, they draw sweet things to us. If they are sour, they draw sour. Same thing with our enemies. Think about those repercussions. If someone is really mean and evil toward us, imagine the things that are coming out of their mouth. See why God wants vengenance to be His? When we are angry about something that was done to us, He doesn't want us to draw even more evil toward ourself by opening our mouth and letting it fly - and that's usually exactly what we do; and we feel very justified in our rant. Yeah, well, we may be justified, but apparently "venting our frustrations" is the worst thing we can do.
So that leads to the next question. What do we do in those moments? Yeah, you know - forgiveness.
That's for another day.
Smile today! It's gorgeous!
beginning here
It hit me this morning; it is very important that this blog is not just another blah, blah, blah blog. I know you've seen them. "I woke up to the sunshine and knew that God was alive in my life. I saw a leaf and wondered at His creation" kind of blog. Yes, thanksgiving and appreciation of Him and everything about Him is CRUCIAL every day. But, we need and want desperately to know how He is relevant to the important stuff we face like; how am I going to pay this bill, will my daughter get well, is my husband ever going to love me like I want him to?
I have to be honest. I don't ask questions like that much anymore. Why? Well, somewhere along the way in the last couple of years I found out about one of those mysterious keys to the kingdom, and I've been learning how to use it. It's WORDS. And that was the topic God brought to my attention this morning.
I'll back up a second and tell you my little routine. I wait until Dennis goes to work before I begin "My Time" and that is only because there is so much activity early in the morning with everyone getting fed, dressed and ready for the day.
Oops! Call for help from Dennis has interrupted this entry. See ya'll later :-))))
I have to be honest. I don't ask questions like that much anymore. Why? Well, somewhere along the way in the last couple of years I found out about one of those mysterious keys to the kingdom, and I've been learning how to use it. It's WORDS. And that was the topic God brought to my attention this morning.
I'll back up a second and tell you my little routine. I wait until Dennis goes to work before I begin "My Time" and that is only because there is so much activity early in the morning with everyone getting fed, dressed and ready for the day.
Oops! Call for help from Dennis has interrupted this entry. See ya'll later :-))))
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
My New World
Living free from a full time "job" is new, exhilarating, scary, busy, confusing . . . in effect it is something I'm learning. Much like anything else, being "free" takes some time to live effectively, wisely and satisfyingly. I was surprised by this revelation. In the beginning it was like the first morning you wake up on VACATION! YEAH! It's so awesome. I had the urge to run out into the street in my jams and yell "I'M FREE!" but suddenly realized there were other meanings for that statement and I could be in big trouble :-) So resisting that urge, I sat in my jams and drank my coffee leisurely, thinking over my plans for the day. Days clicked by, and I found myself very busy. It's amazing how many things there are to be done if you search them out. I felt lonely, tired, stressed and sad! OH, no, what is wrong with this? Ping! The light went on. I always had my morning time with God before work. It was MY time. I wasn't doing this anymore and I was feeling like a person on a food fast - starving. So began my first adjustment of freedom. TAKE TIME WITH GOD.
I'm doing that now and that is what I am going to begin sharing with you.
Enjoy your evening! I will see you right after my God Time in the morning.
I'm doing that now and that is what I am going to begin sharing with you.
Enjoy your evening! I will see you right after my God Time in the morning.
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